Community in Family

 

Family life is really about community. It is said that an average dad or mom on average speak with their children for 7 minutes a day. That is not much. Maybe they give out commands: wash your hands, feed the cat, brush your teeth, tidy your room etc. – but that is not talk and it is not community.

True community is showing interest in each other’s life. It is letting the child tell about their day at school. If you ask “how was your day”, most children will answer: “Good”. Do not be satisfied by such an answer. Children’s thoughts are very concrete. When they answer like this it is not because they do not want to tell more elaborately about their day – they have just answered your question, which was also very vague. Rather ask “what did you learn about in math?” – “what did you play in the playground today?” or “what did you like the best in school today”. Listen to the answers without interruption. Maybe ask questions to give the child a chance to explain more in depth about important matters. When the child is confident that you are truly listening, they may also tell about some troubles at school, something that bothers them, which they have maybe thought about for days but have kept silent because they have been afraid you would not take it seriously.

Community may also be to take “a trip down memory lane”, where you tell about something from the child’s infancy or toddler time. It can be a really fun time and also give the child a new understanding of herself. You may also share memories about experiences you have done together. A way to enhance these memories could be to look at old pictures. The children may already have been looking in your albums or at pictures on the computer, but it is another thing to remember what happened from the parent’s perspective in events the child can remember as well as events that took place when the child was in her infancy. 

If this kind of community does not come naturally in your family do yourself a favour to deliberately talk about everyday subjects or memories from the past. It will build up your family as a whole and give a common identity.