Find

It has been the fight of my life to find myself. Who am I, why am I here, does anybody care? I have never been good at socializing and bonding, getting friends, so I have mostly done the search alone, which has not made it easier.
When I found Jesus, or I let Him find me, some parts of the puzzle were revealed. But still, how can it be that I am so awkward, why am I so indifferent towards people and projects? Why do I hurt people so much with my selfishness and evilness? And how do I become a better person?
Now the search mostly has become a prayer for help, and it is up to Jesus if He wants me to find more of me on this side of eternity. I try to rest in the knowledge that He has found me.

Gift

What do you give to the man/woman who has everything? A common question to be posed - and a question to be posed to people of this world who believe to have it all; even heaven itself!
Before I was saved I did not think I had it all, but I was certain that I had heaven before me; that happy ever after in the sky. After my salvation I slowly learned that I did not have it all, and that my natural expectation of being heaven bound was vain and presumptious without guarantees.
The realization that I had presumed wrongly about my eternal citizenship came gradually. The first sensation and realization that Jesus brought me was that Jesus loves me and is alive in me and my world. It was a completely unexpected gift. A foretaste of heaven inside me.
By reading the Bible I learned about my sinful nature and how lost I am without Jesus. I learned that the gift of grace, freedom from sin, salvation,and heaven is the greatest gift of all. And I am awestricken!
I have also learned that the first year's sensation is not something I can expect here. I am on a travel in enemy territory, and it is not always a pleasure. But the gift of faith makes the travel possible and worthwile. I have learned that all I have is Jesus, and that He has promised to be with me eternally.
The gift of heaven is being unwrapped during my walk, and I have learned and will experience that this gift is incomprehensible, that I will never receive any greater gift. Heaven equals Jesus, Jesus equals love. The perfect gift!